Eyes Journal 6

Today we discussed outlining for a commentary.  There are two options: Following the breaks or paragraphs in the passage from top to bottom or Organizing the paragraphs by techniques

As many of you noticed, commentary writing requires you to work backwards from how you would typically write an essay.   Gather the techniques, analyze them and then build your topic sentences.

For tonight's journal, I'm asking that you create a rough outline of for two paragraphs.  To do so, you will need to pull all of the quotations, create the analysis and organize the quotations in an order that supports an argument.  Then clarify what you think the subject (technique or pattern) of the paragraph would be.




 
Here are a couple of helpful reminders and a model for a full outline
1. "Patterns lead to assertions" - identify a pattern and then identify the effect of that pattern (1 to 2 sentence)
2. Point (an aspect of the topic sentence) typically a specific aspect of the subject
3.  Intro to quotation (context for quotation)
4. Quote (this may be one word or several words from different lines or an entire line or two)5. Identify the pattern - if you said there was a simile, reveal exactly what two things are being compared (this can be included in the sentence with your quote or at the start of your analysis but probably won't be more than 1 sentence)
6. Analysis (probably 2 to 5 sentences)
 
Please note that for many patterns you may be quoting multiple examples. This means your paragraph might look like this:
1.2.3.4.3.4.5.
or
1.2.3.4.2.3.4.5
or
1.2.3.4.5.2.3.4.5.5. (you would need an additional 5 for this one to tie your two pieces together)
or
1.2.3.4.5.3.4.5.5
or
1.2.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.5
or
you get the idea 

example:
II.  Janie's attraction to Joe
        A. Janie rationalizing leaving with Joe
                 i. "[...] he spoke for far horizons. He spoke for change and chance"(16-17)
                ii.  Listing Joe's qualities in separate sentences creates a pause between ideas, suggesting that she struggles to clarify his strong points
                iii.  Alliteration of the "ch" sound increases the rhythm as if she is convincing herself of the benefits of change and change.

                  iv.  Progressing from the figurative horizon to simple change and ending with chance suggests that the more she considers Joe the more risky the decision appears.
         B.   Janie's depiction of Joe