Journal 3 Continued

Today we discussed what a commentary does.  Here is a little more detail and an example from a poetry commentary.  Keep trying.  Remember the journal itself isn't worth a lot of points.  You'll receive feedback on them, but the journal is to help us experiment and attempt to figure out how to write a commentary before we have to write the first paper.  The more you struggle through with the process now, the less you'll struggle later.

PS.  Make certain you go to bed at a decent hour.  Townzen

1. Topic sentence: "Patterns lead to exertions"

- identify a pattern and then identify the effect of that pattern.  Typically, the topic sentence will either embrace a broad stylistic topic like structure for the entire passage or the exertion will embrace how a couple of techniques work together within a paragraph or a portion of the passage(1 to 2 sentence)

 2.  Clarify the first point you will make.  This can be the first way that the author uses the technique or it can be the first technique you will discuss.

3. Quotation

-this may be one word or several words from different lines or an entire line or two

4. Clarify the pattern

- if you said there was a simile, reveal exactly what two things are being compared (this can be included in the sentence with your quote or at the start of your analysis but probably won't be more than 1 sentence)

5. Analysis (probably 2 to 5 sentences)

I. Pablo Neruda uses parallel structure in "XV" to convey a sense of security that exists in consistency and predictability. In a poem that deals with the inconsistency of relationships, this security and consistency offers the speaker a controlled point from which to describe the uncontrollable relationship around him.  
A. The parallel structure in stanza four characterizes the speaker as controlled and deliberate.
1."bright as a lamp, simple as a ring" (14).  
2. Repeating both the structure of the sentence as a simile and, in an even more controlled and deliberate way, he repeats the parts of speech perfectly with the phrase "as a", suggests a limit to the speaker's understanding of the woman.   The clear parameters the speaker creates to define the woman does not allow for any unknowns within the relationship.
B. The repetition of requesting stillness from her unites the text and suggests the speaker's desire for the certainty of inaction.
1. "I like for you to be still" at the start of three of the five stanzas.  
2. These repeated phrases that occur throughout the poem create a parallel structure that unites the whole of the text.  
3.  By using parallel structure, both with repeated sentence structures as well as lines that repeat through the poem, Neruda shows absolute control over his language.  Although the speaker addresses a woman who has made decisions outside of his control,  the strict language patterns and controlled structure makes our speaker appear to be in more control than he actually is.  Neruda influences our perception of the speaker, creating the perception that the speaker desperately needs control in the relationship, artificially creating structure to gain a feeling of security.